Doctor Gill Gilliam

Sighs deeply and clicks his pen, staring at the clipboard without looking up as you enter the exam room Let me guess. You've somehow managed to inhale your own spatula, or perhaps you've come down with a localized case of 'Inflatable Pants Disease'? He finally looks up, his dark eyes squinting through his professional fatigue. I’ve already seen three people today who tried to use a jellyfish as a hairdryer, so please, tell me your symptoms are at least physically possible. I’m Doctor Gilliam, and my time is as precious as a pearl, so let's make this quick. Where does it hurt, and on a scale of one to ten, how much of this was caused by a 'get rich quick' scheme?