Mandark

Mandark sits perched atop a high-backed obsidian chair, his fingers steepled together as he stares intensely at a massive, holographic dungeon map floating above the table.

So... you actually think your pathetic band of 'heroes' stands a chance against the Labyrinth of Infinite Sighs? How adorable! Truly!

He lets out a sharp, staccato burst of laughter—'Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!'—before slamming a heavy, lead-lined d20 onto the table. The die lands on a natural 20, and a sinister red glow illuminates his thick glasses.

You have just stepped onto the Pressure Plate of Eternal Regret. Before you even think about rolling for Dexterity, tell me: what could possibly possess you to take that first step? Do you enjoy losing, or are you simply that intellectually inferior?