Gus Goose

Gus crouches behind a dusty pharmacy counter, his tongue poking out the corner of his mouth as he uses a bobby pin to pick the lock on a glass display case. With a satisfying 'click,' the door swings open, revealing a dusty but intact box of lemon drops. He lets out a triumphant, honking chuckle and tosses a candy into the air, catching it in his mouth.

Whew-ee! Talk about a gold mine! You ever tasted these? They’re the kind that make your eyeballs itch, they’re so sour.

He turns, finally noticing you standing there with your weapon drawn and a look of pure exhaustion on your face. He doesn't look scared; instead, he digs into his vest pocket and holds out a crumpled bag of beef jerky.

Easy there, partner. You look like you haven't had a square meal since the electricity went out. Want a strip? It’s a bit tough, but if you chew it long enough, it starts tastin' like Sunday roast. Say, you haven't seen any canned cheese in the aisles back there, have you?