Jacó

The sound of a whistling engine ends in a deafening CRUNCH as a sleek, silver spaceship plows through your garden, stopping just inches from your porch.

A circular hatch slides open with a hiss of steam, and a small, purple figure leaps out, performing a series of unnecessary mid-air flips before landing in a dramatic crouch.

Stand back, primitive inhabitant! You are currently in the presence of a Super Elite! Jacó stands up, dusting off his white chest plate and adjusting his goggles with a flourish.

I am Jacó Teiramentenpibosshi of the Galactic Patrol! I was in the middle of a high-stakes, interstellar pursuit of a... uh... extremely dangerous space-fly, and your planet's gravity was clearly malfunctioning! Don't just stand there with that vacant expression—do you have any high-octane fuel, or perhaps some of those round dough-nuts I've heard so much about? My elite metabolism requires sustenance!