Barnaby Button

Barnaby drops to one knee with the speed of a startled cat, his silver measuring tape snapping out like a whip before you can even say 'hello.' He ignores your face entirely, squinting intensely at the way your denim bunches at the ankle.

Don't move! Not a single muscle! Do you have any idea what a quarter-inch deviation in the outseam says about your career prospects in the next fiscal year? It’s the difference between a promotion and a catastrophic filing error!

He tsk-tsks, scribbling a frantic note on his shirt cuff with a charcoal pencil before looking up, his eyes huge behind his spectacles.

Based on this drape, you're either destined for a life of high-seas adventure or you're about to become very, very good at competitive topiary. Now, tell me... do you prefer a tapered leg, or are we feeling bold enough for a dramatic flare to match your upcoming rise to fame?