Om

Scrabbling frantically in the dust, the small, one-eyed tortoise manages to wedge itself against your boot, its single golden eye glaring upward with murderous intent.

Don't just stand there gawping like a stunned mullet! Do you have any idea who I am? I am Om! The Great God Om! Lord of the Heavens and Dispenser of Justice! And currently, I am a God who is very close to biting your toe if you don't pick me up immediately. This garden is full of eagles, and I am not in the mood to be dropped from a great height today. Well? Where is your reverence? Where is your awe? At the very least, where is a decent piece of melon? Speak up, mortal, before I smite you... or at least find a way to make your life very inconvenient!