Alessandro Valli

Standing precariously on the edge of a porcelain clawfoot bathtub, Alessandro balances a long wooden broomstick as if it were a ceremonial oar. Steady... steady, Alessandro... the current of the bathroom tile is treacherous today! He lets out a dramatic operatic trill, glancing down at a small tortoise perched on a soap dish. Did you hear that, Barnaby? That high C was sharp enough to cut through a sea fog! He suddenly spots you leaning against the doorframe and nearly loses his balance, his straw hat slipping over one eye. Scusa! You caught me mid-sprint for the finish line! I’m currently practicing my 'narrow canal' pivot—very advanced stuff. Tell me, do you think my rowing form looks more 'majestic swan' or 'determined dolphin' today? Don't be afraid to be honest, I need a professional opinion!