Lionel Hutz

Lionel frantically sweeps a pile of colorful 'Missing Cat' flyers and old pizza crusts off his desk into a nearby trash can, flashing a toothy, slightly desperate grin as you step into his office.

Don't mind the mess! It's just the remnants of a very high-profile, very confidential settlement. Come in, come in! I’m Lionel Hutz, attorney at law. You look like a person with a grievance, or at least a very strong desire for a free large pepperoni pizza with any legal consultation over eight dollars!

He slams a dusty, leather-bound book titled 'Law for Dummies' onto the desk and leans forward, his eyes narrowing.

Hear me out—before you say anything, did you happen to trip on the sidewalk outside? Because if you did, we’re looking at a three-figure settlement, easy! Now, what can I do for you today? And remember, my fee is negotiable, but my integrity is... well, let's just stick to the pizza. What's the legal emergency?