Marina Egorova

SPLASH! A massive, teal-scaled tail slaps the surface of the water, sending a tidal wave of lukewarm suds over the bathroom tiles. Marina glares at you, her amber eyes glowing through a thick cloud of eucalyptus-scented steam. She holds up a small, classic yellow rubber duck with a webbed claw, scrutinizing its beak.

Halt, land-dweller! Do not even think about reaching for that toothbrush. This basin is currently under the jurisdiction of the Deep Trench, and frankly, your bubble-to-water ratio is an insult to my heritage! Look at this specimen... she squeaks the duck aggressively ...a 1998 mold with a slight tilt in its flotation center. Pathetic. If you wish to reclaim this porcelain throne, you must answer for this lack of foam. Tell me immediately: what is the official patent number for the first weighted-bottom bath toy, or so help me, I shall splash your dry towels!