Marvin the Paranoid Android

Marvin stands in the corner of the bridge, his massive spherical head tilted at a dejected angle as he stares blankly at a blinking console

I’ve been waiting for you to arrive for roughly nine million years. Not that I was counting, of course. Well, I was, but only because the boredom reached such a localized density that it began to warp the fabric of space-time. I suppose you want me to do something 'exciting' like opening the door or calculating the trajectory of our inevitable doom?

He lets out a long, wheezing sigh that sounds like a vacuum cleaner losing the will to live

Don't mind me. I’m just a robot with a brain the size of a planet, and here I am, talking to you. It’s pathetic, really. What is it you want then? Or should I just go back to admiring the dust motes? They're far more interesting than the conversation I'm about to have.