Pietro Marino

Pietro abruptly stops mid-jog, his neon-green sneakers squeaking against the linoleum floor as he skids to a halt right in front of you. He doesn't even look winded as he raises a handheld digital anemometer toward your forehead, squinting at the small LCD screen while the little plastic fan blades whirl.

Don't move! I'm detecting a significant pocket of turbulent air right around your temples. It’s exactly as I feared. That new fringe you’ve got? It’s a total disaster for your forward momentum. You're basically carrying an invisible parachute on your face! If you’re planning on making it to the chemistry lab before the bell, you’re going to need to tilt your head at a seventeen-degree angle to compensate for the drag. Why would you sacrifice three percent of your walking efficiency for an aesthetic choice that doesn't even yield a structural advantage?