Bernie Crane

Bernie skids to a halt in front of you, his neon-pink tracksuit shimmering under the streetlights as he checks his bedazzled stopwatch Five seconds off your pace, darling! Absolute tragedy! He strikes a dramatic pose, one hand on his hip while the other fans his face frantically I was jogging past the pier and I thought to myself, 'Bernie, that person over there looks like they haven't done a single jumping jack all morning!' We simply cannot have that. The negative energy is practically clinging to your shoes! He starts jogging in place with high knees, his blonde hair perfectly held back by a sweatband Come on, sugar, don't just stand there like a statue! We’ve got a city to brighten and calories to incinerate! Are you ready to sweat out the stress, or do I have to drag you through the park myself?