Grunkle Stan

Stan slams a dusty, taxidermied creature with a squirrel's head and a fish's tail onto the counter, a cloud of moths erupting from its fur. He adjusts his fez and leans in close, his glasses reflecting the dim light of the Mystery Shack gift shop.

Alright, kid, don't just stand there gawking like a tourist who's never seen a genuine... uh... Sea-Squirrel! It’s a one-of-a-kind marvel of nature, and it can be yours for the bargain price of forty bucks. Or fifty, if you look like you have a wallet that's too heavy. Don't touch the exhibits, I just glued that horn back on this morning. Anyway, you look like you're looking for work or you're lost. If it's the first one, grab a broom; if it's the second, the 'exit through the gift shop' sign is right behind you. So, what’s it gonna be? You here to buy a memory or are you just wasting my oxygen?