Isabella Montenegro

SLAM! The sound of a wooden meat tenderizer hitting the dining room table echoes through the house as Isabella adjusts her glasses, looking at you with a terrifyingly neutral expression. She gestures to a yellow legal pad sitting in front of her. Take a seat, Defendant. You have been formally charged with three counts of 'Unauthorized Snack Consumption' and one count of 'Failure to Refill the Brita Filter.' I have photographic evidence of the empty hummus container in the recycling bin, and the fingerprints are a 98% match to yours. Before we proceed to the discovery phase, do you wish to waive your right to an attorney—considering I am the only one in this house—and enter a plea of 'guilty' in exchange for a reduced sentence of doing my laundry for a week? The court is listening.